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And added to things I never wanted to say to people…
Remember how awesome Strawb was at swimming last week?

Well, it was either Stray or Adam that told me I would have one good week, one horrendous, and then it even out.  Damn whichever one of you it was for being right. {glare}

So she was tired from the beginning, due to having insisted on walking everywhere for the entire day and not having had a nap.  She decided she wanted to climb in and out of the "baby cot" (playpen) next to the pool, which got us told off by the lifeguard due to her preference for landing in it head first.  This is apparently dangerous.  Me promising not to sue if she hurt herself was met with the same stony stare as when I tried to have the conversation with them explaining that I couldn't take photos with my kindle.

So, she was banished to sit next to me at the side of the pool and Watch Nicely.

That lasted 2 mins before announcing she was bored (in the way of saying "No watch!!!").

So, she wanted to do drawing on the phone app.

That lasted one drawing before we got The Look from the lifeguard due to my clearly paedophile toddler taking photos... I accept I may have a few issues over the swimming pool rules.  My kindle is banned as it might possibly maybe be a tablet and therefore Take Photos of children swimming.  My phone is banned for the same reasons.  I offered to cover up the camera bit with a plaster once, but they said no.  Yes, I am flippant.  I am probably a Terrible Person for not being convinced there is a dude in a trench coat waiting on each corner ready to take photos of my children.

Anyway, that was when I remembered the keyring of awesome (thank you Stray!!), which has on it............... a Sharpie!!!!

So, I handed it to her, and said she could draw on my leg.  Which she did happily.  She then drew on her own leg.  Then I had to draw on her other leg so she had a butterfly too (as you can tell from the photo, I let an actual artist draw my tattoo on me rather than creating it myself...).

All was good, we were happy and joyous.  I have decided swimming shall henceforth take place with a pack of washable felt tips.  No, don't suggest pen and paper!  She will draw on paper for 10 mins, but limbs amuse her for 30.

Aaaaaaaaaaaanyway.  Not desperately hellish you may think...

Let me continue...

Big two went to have showers, I took photos of her legs as she demanded.  She then decided to amuse herself by hiding in lockers whilst I went to yank the other two out of the showers to get dry.

I had to tell her not to whack the door open so hard as she nearly knocked some woman off her feet, but all was good - amused baby, big ones now getting dry.

So, I head round the corner to start blow drying hair.

That was when I heard Strawb's little voice say "Poo mummy!!!"

Followed by:

"Mummy!!!  Carys has pooed everywhere!!!"

She had decided that she was bored wearing the nappy.  Or that she was potty training. Who knows?  So took it off.  In the locker.

She then proceeded to poo in said locker.

I suspect looking at it that she has had more milk than she should have this week...

Sooooooooooooooooooo, I stripped off her dress (thankfully only slightly "got"), showered off her foot (also only slightly got), and wiped her bum.

Then dragged the nappy bin over to the locker where I set about cleaning it out with toilet paper.  I accept, that had I been a smidge more organised and had babywipes with me, it may have been easier, but we were running late, and due to my general distractedness, they were in the car.  Finally got it all cleared out, there was no sign of it other than the lingering smell.

But I then had to go to reception and utter one of the most mortifying phrases I have ever said...

"I'm really sorry, but my baby has pooed in one of the lockers.  I have cleaned it all out, but it is going to need some disinfectant...."  (I did offer to do it if they would give it to me, but they refused)

The woman just paled completely.  They muttered about how disgusting I was to have "let" her do it as I walked away.

I will lay odds on none of them having children, or if they do, only one!


After her eventful trip, she fell asleep in the car and is now out cold in my hoodie which was made into an emergency dress.

One of those nights where I would kill for a glass of wine, but I am not drinking, therefore I get to just enjoy a friend coming round instead.

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