I still haven't got a theme to work through at the moment, but this has been occupying a huge part of my mind since Thursday.
I struggle with poetry making me feel. I have no idea why, it makes no sense when I say the next bit. Song lyrics on the other hand can destroy me, make me think, make me happy. Obviously yes, the music has some affect, but not always as there can be songs to music that I really dislike, but then when I listen to the lyrics I feel something (not in a Divinyls way...).
Most of the people I know I have songs linked to. Songs narrate parts of my life, parts of my soul. There are songs that I can only recently listen to without negative emotions because they reflected the end of my marriage.
Anyway, on Thursday I was browsing reddit as I do far too often, and I came across a thread about the weirdest things that happened when you went to friends houses as a child. There were many very dubious situations that children had been caught up in, but the one that started this was about a situation within school. There was a "weird kid" in the class who was bruised, Gran was "mean" to her at weekends etc, and then one day they arrived at school to be told that she had gone somewhere better. Just that. No other explanation as to whether that was a seaside town or more final. Someone mentioned that it sounded like a song, and linked to the song.
Bearing in mind I have just told you the content of the song, beware if you click on the link...
Alyssa Lies completely destroyed me. I have been welling up randomly ever since. I sat in the car trying to stop sobbing before I could go in to see Stray. If you do decide listening to it is wise, I should mention that Strawb's best friend in school is called Alyssa... I held my baby so, so tight after school.
There are so many kids out there that it applies to, and so many who desperately need help. I feel like I want to be able to find them and help them somehow. I also know though that my personality isn't right for a career where I could do that. I take it all in and it would break me.
I have no idea why I am writing about this, just that it won't leave my head. It keeps niggling at me that I should be doing something.
To brighten it, I'll play one of the songs that I have bounced round with, and sang to my babies. It was the one that came on just after I realised that Dude wasn't "not a girl" but he was "my boy". It's the one that I spun round the kitchen to with a child on each hip and a giant bump in the middle. It's my love.