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So, Furball has gone to America for 10 days.  I'm weirdly nervous.  It makes absolutely no sense... I was a single parent, I was a lone parent (to me there is a difference, single parent has no partner, lone is doing it with a boyfriend etc but not living/parenting together), we have only been living together a couple of months.  Why am I twitchy about doing it by myself for 10 days?  It is very odd.

I hate that I am worried about what others think too.  I worry that people will be muttering about being able to afford a holiday to America when we say we can't do/afford x,y,z.  I know we haven't paid for it due to amazingly generous brithday/Christmas offerings, but to the outside world, others don't know that.  In my working brain I know that it doesn't matter in the slightest what outsiders think, but I seem to live in this state of constant paranoia that people will think I am lying to them and they will hate me.  It isn't just this, it is everything - the gazillion times the car breaks down, I worry people will assume I am lying so I don't have to do something.  If I have to cancel any plans, or even if I have to say no to helping someone, I am terrified that they will assume I am making something up.  I have no idea why.  I tend to believe what people tell me (far too much with some people), I don't like lying because I don't like being lied to, so why do I assume that everyone would automatically think the worst of me?  My brain is stupid.

Anyway, the next 10 days I want to get the house sorted.  It is quite straight anyway, but unpack some bits, organise some bits etc.  I have more sewing to do, annoyingly not anything I can put on here because it is gifts.  I have a whole list of films to watch in evenings.  It should pass fairly quickly.


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