I'm finally coming out of the fog and starting to see the world in colour again.
Today is the first day in weeks that I feel both not depressed and healthy. It's an amazing thing. But it also means that I am utterly frozen.
The depression has meant that I have hidden from all housework, so my lounge hasn't been touched in forever, I have a mountain of clothes to put away, the kitchen is a health hazard, and the conservatory floor is more thread than carpet. I need to clean it all and I want it to be clean.
My brain is working though, so there is all this stuff I want to sort. I want to order some Christmas presents, start Strawb's birthday present, plan out a gazillion things so life is smoother overall.
Sparks however mean that I have my creativity back. I have a list of stuff that I need/want to sew.
It's all too much. I can't prioritise. Do I sort the house so I feel less of a failure? Do I do the stuff so that life is smoother? Do I sew because it is my happy place?
I've only just remembered to take my meds. Maybe when they kick in I will know what to do first.
I'm turning round in circles, wanting to do everything, doing nothing, and just urgh.
I don't know how long I have. I could be knocked round the head again tomorrow and be back under my duvet. I want to do it all. I can't do it all. So instead I am sat here writing... I kinda hoped that as I put it down the decision would magically be clear to me, but it isn't.
I know normal people can do all of it. They don't have to pick a topic and just do that, but I know that I can't. It isn't me. If I try to get dishes ready to wash, and then do a bit of sewing, and then stop to hoover, then do some shopping, none of it will be done properly and that is actually worse.