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The guilt…

First half term since starting uni.

This is hard.  I am sat in the library attempting to study, but focus is hiding from me.  It's October.  I am normally buried under a pile of fabric making the Halloween costumes now, but I have broken the news that I just can't do it this year.  Even if I am not working, my brain can't get round it.

This year is the first that I haven't made Strawb a dress for her birthday, and it is tearing me up.

B has just text telling me that she's on her way to a guides event that I had no clue even existed.  Thankfully my mum is on top of that and has just done it for me.

But because of the way my stupid brain works, I am now struggling to focus on the work I need to do because of the guilt and urgh, so I am actually getting neither thing achieved!!

I had one day booked in to spend time with them, and that I spent in a depression blip, so yay, more guilt.

I know it will get easier.  I know that this time next year I should have my shit together more and be able to do these things.  But right now, I feel like I am failing everyone and it is drowning me.  I even had to try to schedule in "being a friend" this week ffs.

going-to-bed

2 thoughts on “The guilt…

  1. I don’t know you, but I know how that feels. It will become better and you’ll become better in dealing with it. And then someday you’ll graduate and life will be better. Just stay hopeful!

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