For a year or so, maybe more, I dunno, I've lost track, I have hurt.
I have put it down to tiredness, or unbalanced thyroid medication, or I have done too much. I have been very emphatic that it was definitely NOT-fibro. My not-fibro symptoms may have seemed similar, but it definitely wasn't.
So yeah, I finally got bullied into seeing the doctor, and I got the blood tests done. I then hid some more until I got bullied into going back... The damned doctor decided to take the "not" part away from my theory.
I've watched my mum dealing with it. It's not like it is a massive shock or anything, but there is still that acceptance process to deal with. I've got better painkillers now, which is good. I'm not sure if it is worse this week because I can't pretend that it is something else now, or if it just coincidentally a bad week, but either way, I am grumpy and urgh.
My brain is a big fuzzy mess, which I am used to with just my normal brain, but it makes sense now why it is that extra level of fuzz at times.
I was fine. It wasn't like it was shock news or anything. But today... today I am low.
I woke in pain. I feel guilt because I know that the man thing wakes in far more pain every day, and he doesn't curl up under a duvet to sob about it.
Anyway. Woohoo pain. Guilt that I still haven't made my friend's lounge look good because I keep bailing. Much sewing that I want to do. Uni work that I want and need to do. Guilt that I am 100% certain that Strawb isn't swimming tonight.
I've made a start though. I have done the sewing jobs that I promised for other people. I've done The Fridge. Dinner for children tonight is sorted because the eldest rocks and cooked last night with enough for tonight.
It will get better. I will get better. I will not be low forever.
Now just to repeat that until it sounds convincing...