Long time, no blog
Well hello!  I vaguely remember how to do this.  I think... ADHD awareness month I managed about half the month, so that's way better than I expected. Now, I am meant to be working on a uni presentation, but it isn't working.  My brain is a fuzzy mess.  My DNF (definitely not fibro) has been kicking my arse this week and I am exhausted.  Obviously then add on The Guilt and it means I am not able to focus at all. We had a hectic fortnight, and now are in the comedown stage.  Aspie Girl is spiralling as she adjusts to change and then no change.  The Boy Child is determined to injure himself at any given opportunity, and the ADHD kid is a big ball of emotions, distraction, and general chaos. Good news though, her teacher has said he will put in what is needed to get her referred for assessment.  No quibbles, no "oooh I'm not sure", just "Yes no problem."  Not sure if she is worse this year, or if it was as my GP said, and by mentioning it at the start of term, he has been more aware of it. People have asked me if I would medicate her etc.  In all honesty, I don't know.  I am aware how many side effects there are, and it is balancing that with how much it affects her and if it is worth experiencing those.  My heart is aching for her at the moment.  I just keep hearing "You need to pay more attention", and I see each one of those as a cut in her confidence.  I may be taking it too personally, I don't know.  I don't know how best to word things like that.  Making up the end of a long word she's reading/spelling because she's gotten distracted?  How do you explain to her that she needs to focus to be able to complete it?  Making up the minutes when telling the time because she's bored processing it all...?  "Be more careful" delivers the same cuts. She knows about brains working differently.  We have discussed that her brain works similarly to mind, and B's is different to us, and Dude is different again.  That they all light up differently if a doctor takes special photos.  That it is a case of learning the best way for each of us to do things, and what works for Dude may not work for her.  But knowing that, and being able to apply it all the time when you are 8 (or 36) is insanely hard, so those little chips and cuts slip in... "Why can't I remember to wear my tie?"  "How have I lost another book?"  "I'm trying to tidy my bedroom, but then I saw these posters and they needed to move to where my bed is moving to, and then look I found this toy that I love, and I wonder where the hat is that goes with it, didn't I have a matching dress too?  I should find that..." It's hard.  It scares me.  I project a lot, I know.  But at the same time there is the amazing Ted Talks that describes everything I have felt about myself.  If so many of my tribe feel it, then how can I stop the same outcome for her?? This was not the way I expected this post to go... Uh... I guess I needed to get it out? [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiwZQNYlGQI]

2 thoughts on “Long time, no blog

  1. For whatever it helps, I wish I would have been diagnosed/medicated for ADHD as a kid. Every family is different, but just from my personal life I feel like you are exactly right about those cuts to the confidence. They could easily become death by a thousand cuts. 🙁

  2. Take it with a huge grain of salt given I’m not a mom yet, but if my kid inherits ADHD someday, my current feeling is to medicate once they are old enough to do so safely to spare them a lot of the pain I experienced.

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