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You’d take the damned insulin!!!
One of the most said things (apart from "smile, it might never happen") when discussing depression is "It is a chemical imbalance, you wouldn't feel bad about taking insulin for diabetes would you?" Perfectly sound logic there.  The stable brain says "Ah yes, that makes sense.  Broken body, medicine taken." forest-medicine.jpg Unfortunately the Depressed Brain is a lying bastard. Other people don't take antidepressants.  They're fine. It's probably all just in your imagination. You're making it up for sympathy and to be dramatic. ADHD Brain is a sneaky little git as well.  ADHD Brain remembers everything you have lost or forgotten throughout your life (yes, the irony is not lost on me).  ADHD Brain will remind you of this every time you think you knew where something was, when systems tell you that you should have enough pills so you have clearly lost a box somewhere. They combine in a lovely little rap duo.  You know those bastards are going to rap, probably with miss pronounced words to produce forced rhymes. So, when you have run out of antidepressants and the prescription website says you can't have more until x date, what do you do? a) Call the doctor and ask for more meds, as you may have lost yours. b) Take meds from a friend who is on the same dosage as you. c) Ration the ones you have to last until the normal refill date, taking a progressively lower dose than you should be taking until you can get new meds. d) Take them at normal dose and then go cold turkey until the refill. Well obviously you guys know me, I am no moron.  Going cold turkey is very silly and would lead to a major depression blip when they were out of my system.  See, so it was obviously best to follow option C.  A lower dose of meds for a fortnight (I mean a week, it was definitely only a week, I wouldn't lie to my loved ones about this), that's not going to cause any issues.  Not at all! So yeah, here I am.  One giant puddle of self loathing.  Achieving nothing.  Sleeping too much.  Waiting for my body to get back on its normal dosage. Oh and yeah, ADHD git can suck it - they gave me the wrong amount last time, I lost NOTHING!
(Shhh, nothing as in that pile of pills...)
I only know that this is the problem because the nice non-depressed external brain that I keep, mentioned it to me.  Before that I was convinced that there was no point in anything, I would be broken forever and that I fail everyone. I wouldn't listen if someone told me that homosexuality is against nature, so why do I listen to myself when I don't believe that depression is pure brain chemistry? I've been asked before why I am open about this stuff.  Why tell people you have ADHD???  Why let people know you have depression???  It can make them think things about you. I am open because I need to be, because we all need to be.  If people think things, go for it, they are probably people that I don't want to be around.  If I am open, then so can others.  My children can grow up and know that acknowledging their brains and their emotions is not a bad thing.  We can make a world where unbalanced body chemicals aren't taboo.   I know it is hard, seriously, Depression Brain is an absolute arsehole who will tell you that you should keep him hidden.  Yell him down.  Turn up the music and pretend you can't hear him.  He's kinda like a gremlin, if you expose him to the sunlight, eventually the idea of him being taboo will die.

2 thoughts on “You’d take the damned insulin!!!

  1. I try to stock up. On days when I can afford to be my off-meds scatterbrained self, I voluntarily don’t take my ADHD meds. Then when, for instance, I stupidly forget to actually schedule my monthly refill appointment and can’t get in for two weeks, I have a small backlog to tide over. I find voluntarily skipping 3-5 non work days of meds each month to save for the work days I dearly need them and the pharmacy is closed (or I simply forgot to pick them up) is worth it to me. Plan for your own mistakes and choose the time of you pain. Also split up the container and keep a portion in a lick box so you can’t lose the whole month’s at once :-p

    • Yep, I have that with the ADHD meds (not that I am currently putting off getting those too), and I usually do with the antidepressants but it all went awry. The whole thing went like it because we increased my dosage, but the online order thing wasn’t updated, so I was 28 pills down in total…

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