It's my birthday. Always a time to ponder. I find it interesting that my birthday memories on Facebook only start from the first birthday after the break up. Did I ignore it when I was married? It is a strange one this year. Mother's Day is close, and I am missing Zena far more than I ever would have expected. Damn cancer making us close in her last few months. As a result I'm feeling oddly flat. I'm sat on a train to London to see Hamilton. To spend time with my sister and the amazing Hayley. I should be bouncy rather than contemplative. But, contemplative isn't all bad. I look each year and realise how much I have changed. 30yr old me had a week long birthday (and a broken tooth... Still no idea how). She realised that she had this whole host of friends to celebrate with. She realised she was HER after a long period of being gone. That woman would never have dreamed she would be doing a degree. That she would marry. That she had ADHD. She was optimistic. She knew she would be OK. But she didn't know how incredible her life could become. So now, I sit on my train, drinking my beer, and although I am flat, I can look at myself and see the girl who took her shot. Who refuses to throw it away. Thank you to everyone who has helped get me here. I may have to kill your friends and family to remind you of my love.